Lost without you
by Laguna-Chan
Summary: Another song fic but this time about my fave. pairing in this book that, sadly enough, never get to see. Or read for that matter. We MUST spread LokixChaos goodness everywhere! Characters may be a bit OOC but its all good and it suits my perpases. LokixCh


Lost without you

_**I know I can be a little stubborn sometimes… **_

_**A little righteous and too proud…**_

Loki turned his back to his lover as he tried to calm himself. He didn't want to hurt him anymore then he already had. There was no way that he could turn now and face the look in those pure emerald green eyes. The hurt. Pain. Sorrow. He just couldn't. He wouldn't be able to bear it.

**_I just want to find a way to compromise…  
'Cos I believe that we can work things out…_**

Chaos stared at Loki's back as his lover turned away from him. His heart felt like it was being seized in a death vice and the pain was unbearable. Yet again they found themselves victims of their pride and prisoners of their hearts. But it was just a silly argument right? There was no reason for Loki to lose his temper like that. But had he only listened to Loki and drop the subject…could this have been avoided?

**_I thought I had all the answers,_**

_**Never giving in…**_

Loki remained stubborn and refused to turn. This was the out come of yet another stupid disagreement. This was another consequence for their actions right? If only Chaos had dropped the subject… if only he learned to quit while he was ahead…. No. This was his fault. He needed to learn how to control his temper, keep it reigned in at all times. The second he realized this, Loki felt horrible. _He doesn't deserve this. He deserves better. He deserves…._

**_But baby since you've gone…_**

I admit that I was wrong…

Chaos watched as Loki's hand slowly reached up and gingerly finger the swell of redden and bruised flesh on his right cheek. Then in silent fear and sorrow as his love began to walk away. Away from him and his breaking heart. His heart seemed to fall down a never-ending hole in his chest. Why did he have to hit him! Why! Now the action committed by one who doesn't think in the blindness of anger is the very action that would steal his whole world- his whole reason for living away. He watched as Loki reached the door and without another word or so much as a good bye, leave their room and their small home. All Chaos could think as his vision blurred with tears was, "_Don't go."_

**_All I know is that I'm lost without you_**

I'm not gonna lie  
How am I going to be strong without you?

_**I need you by my side  
If we ever say we'll never be together and we ended with goodbye**_

_**Don't know what I'd do ...**_

I'm lost without you

Months later found Loki thinking of home and the love he left behind. He wanted to go back. Go back and say that he was sorry. Sorry for not telling him his secret. Even now, Chaos was still oblivious to what Loki had been up to. The secret that had Chaos pointing an accusing finger at him, naming him, branding him as something he wasn't. Loki should have told him. But then that would have ruined the surprise that he had save up to get for him. Then Chaos had hit him, accusing him of disloyalty. That hurt. But what hurt the most was his lover's lack of faith in him. The lack of trust. After all they had been through…. Then he began to believe it, thinking that maybe he had done something wrong and disloyal. Could it have been the way he looked at someone without realizing it? Loki didn't know. Even now he still held Chaos' little surprise in his pocket, never letting go. He would never let go. It gave him the hope that maybe one day… Chaos would call to him.

_**I keep trying to find my way**_

_**But all I know is I'm lost without you  
I keep trying to face the day **_

I'm lost without you 

Chaos just couldn't get his lost love out of his head. Everyday, he prayed and cried, hoped, and pleaded that his lover would come back to him. After screaming in his head and heart over and over again ' I'm sorry! I'm sorry! Please! Come back to me!', he grew more and more distant from all around him. He no longer had a reason to care. About anything. He just sat at his window facing the setting sun day after day in hopes that his Loki would be seen on the horizon and everyday, his hopes would be shattered. **_  
_**  
**_How am I ever gonna get rid of these blues?  
Baby I'm so lonely all the time…_**

Loki continued walking, his wiry feet fueled by his heart. He no longer cared where he went. He no longer gave it any thought. He just gave up and allowed his feet to carry him wherever they bid. He didn't want to think anymore. It spared him the pain of seeing Chaos again. Of the memories they shared. He felt so alone and in comfort, he unconsciously grasped the small gift in his hand and gently squeezed it and it glimmered shyly with hope.

**_Everywhere I go _**

I get so confused…  
You're the only thing that's on my mind

As Chaos wandered through the crowded streets of his town and paid little attention to all those around him. Why should he? What joy would it bring him? There was the few times that he thought he saw his love in the crowd of people. But every time he chased the person down and confronted them it always turned out to be someone else. Eventually he just gave up. He couldn't stop thinking about him though, no matter how hard he tried. Loki was all that he could think of. No matter what, there was always some part of Chaos that always held fast to the hope of his love returning to him. A wish that he would always keep.

**_Oh my beds so cold at night _**

_**And I miss you more each day**_

Loki stretched in his bed at the tavern that his feet carried him to. He was so exhausted but the empty space in his bed awoken him to the shadows of the night and the chill of a lonely room. Funny how he had never noticed how warm and welcoming a bed could be until he and Chaos shared one for the first time. But now, Chaos wasn't there and the absences of his lover sadden him greatly. The space in the bed made him feel smaller and insecure. He needed someone to hold and to be held in strong, loving arms. After experiencing the warmth and the sensation of being with another, Loki found it hard to believe that he ever slept in a bed alone at all in his entire life. The feel of it now was foreign and he didn't like it at all. He longed for Chaos. To touch him, hold him, kiss him, and just to love him. His night turned out like all the others: sleepless.

**_Only you can make it right _**

No I'm not too proud to say 

Chaos sat at his open window unable to sleep again as the cold night air chilled him. Even the coverlets wouldn't warm him. Nothing could. He didn't notice anyways nor did he care. He now realized that he was wrong; Loki would never betray him. He never actually caught Loki with anyone that way and he really had no reason to point an accusing finger at his lover. Loki said he loved him. Loki screamed it at him. He made Loki cry. He **_hit_** Loki. He shamed them both with his foolishness. Now Loki was gone and he was miserable without him. Without him he was nothing. No one. Tears trailed unabated down his paled cheeks. He didn't notice them though. He never did. Loki had been right; He was possessive. He was emotionally unstable. He hurt the only one he ever truly loved and it cost him dearly. He was a fool. Chaos needed his lover more then he ever truly realized and that sudden realization broke him down all the more. _Where are you, my love?_ Chaos didn't know, but no matter what, he would find him. Sweep him up in his arms and kiss him like he's never been kissed before. To hold him tightly and never let go. To say that he was sorry and that he was wrong about everything and that he would **_die_** for Loki. His Loki. His lost love.

**_All I know is I'm lost without you _**

_**I'm not gonna lie  
How my going to be strong without you **_

_**I need you by my side  
If we ever say we'll never be together and we ended with goodbye **_

Don't know what I'd do ...

I'm lost without you

Loki found himself being lead to a small town. There was something vaguely familiar about it yet he couldn't quite place. His stomach grumbled with hunger. It had been awhile since he had eaten. Or at least had the stomach to eat at that. Food could not satisfy the hunger of his heart nor could drink slick his thirst for love and so what was the use? Wearily, he trudged on. Or rather, his feet did and he was just carried along. His tired body compelled him to move even though he was beyond caring where he went, his senses numbed to all around him and his wiry form continued to push on. His feet seemed to have a mind of their own as he moved through the small village. Why was it that this place both weighed upon his heart and yet lifted his spirits all at once? He felt the answer was very close….

**_I keep trying to find my way _**

_**But all I know is I'm lost without you  
I keep trying to face the day **_

**_I'm lost without you_**

Chaos aimlessly wandered around the town as the first snowflakes of mid- December began to fall. His eyes widened in surprise. Had it really been a whole year since he last saw his beloved? The thought sadden him to no end. Perhaps Loki wasn't coming back. Perhaps he would never come back. Ever. The thought made him sick with grief and he found himself sitting alone by an old fountain in an abandoned part of the square. No one was around to notice him. After all this was the season for gifts and other such foolish things that people usually take for granted. Christmas was coming and everyone would be with their special someone's, sitting by the fire or something like such. Safe, warm, cozy, and loved. Chaos wondered if Loki was doing the same. Had he found someone worthy of him? Was he being treated the way a lover should be? Did he even think of him? Chaos didn't want to know the answers to any of these questions. He just wanted to be left alone to his misery.

**_If I could only hold you now _**

_**And make the pain just go away**_

Slowly, things began to register to Loki. He began to realize that this place was familiar and as the first snows of December began to fall the feeling of déjà vu increased. Why was this so familiar? Then he remembered that he and Chaos use to walk through the snow in December when the Christmas season was in full tow and people would be everywhere and nowhere all at once, trying to find that special something for their special someone's. Loki sighed in grief. Had it really been a whole year since his departure? Had Chaos found some new to hold? Loki didn't want to think about it. He didn't want to know. He still held on to the hope that he would see his love again and finally put an end to his heartache. Slowly, he began to make his way through the lonely streets of the quiet village to where running water could be heard.

_**  
Can't stop the tears from **_

_**Running down my face  
Hell  
**_

Chaos couldn't stop the bitter tears that found their way to his eyes, falling like glittering crystals down his cold, paled cheeks. He wanted his pain to stop. His sorrow to go away. He wanted to forget but knowing that he couldn't brought only the most unbearably agony he could ever have imagined. There was only one thing he could ever want for Christmas…. The sound of approaching footprints brought him too and, even though he didn't want to encounter anyone at this point, he still felt compelled to turn to see who invaded his privacy. Then his eyes widened with realization and he rose to his feet as the young man came into full view.

Loki stopped dead in his tracks as the young man sitting by the fountain stood as he turned the corner. He stared at the redheaded boy for a moment until it dawned on him who it was that stood before him. Without knowing it, tears of joy began to gently stream down his chilled cheeks. He was in Chaos' arms before he even thought of embracing his long lost lover and it felt so good- so right to be in his arms again. He wanted to hold him forever and never let go.

" I'm sorry…." He whispered. He found was finding it difficult to speak.

" No! Don't be, you didn't do anything wrong. It… was me. Not you. I'm the one who should be sorry."

Loki looked at him quizzically. Then he felt Chaos' hand gently stroke his face, wiping away the crystalline tears with a soft stroke of his fingers.

" I should've never accused you of such a terrible thing. I should have known better and I'm ashamed of my self because of it." Then he lowered his voice to a whisper. "Please, can you find it in your heart to forgive me?"

Loki nodded and held him tighter, needing to be close to the one that he had missed for so long.

" Yes, of course. I… I missed you so… so much…."

Chaos looked into his eyes, then placed his forehead against his and whispered lovingly, " I missed you too. I now realize that… I'm lost without you. And that I love you."

Then the gap between them was closed as their lips met and they continued to kiss as the snow continued to fall.

**_All I know is I'm lost without you _**

_**I'm not gonna lie  
How my going to be strong without you **_

_**I need you by my side  
If we ever say we'll never be together and we end it with goodbye **_

_**Don't know what I'd do ...**_

Loki pulled away from the wonderful feeling of his lover's lips and looked into his eyes. Without saying a word, they had understood all the other had trapped within their hearts. Then he remembered his gift. Chaos watched as his soul mate reached into his pocket and pulled something out and in that split second, saw it shimmer as the light caught it briefly. Curiosity seized him then. What could that be? Loki looked at him sheepishly, a warm blush dusting his suddenly very warm cheeks as he slowly held up the object that was, funny enough, the whole reason behind there departure months before. Chaos looked at it in surprise. The band was gold with the symbol of rain etched into it. It glittered again as the pale light from an overcast sky caught on it's shinny surface. Chaos looked at Loki again clearly shocked. Loki blushed more and lowered his gaze to the band resting in his hand.

" This was… the reason I was sorta… sneaking around. It was your birthday and I saved up money to get this made for you…."

Chaos just stared. This was what it was? All along? And like a heartless basturd, he accused Loki of being disloyal. He suddenly felt sick. Even after all this time and all he did and said, Loki still kept the ring. This loyalty was beyond anything that Chaos realized he deserved.

" Loki…. I…." He sighed and tried again. " I had no idea. You didn't want to say anything because it was a surprise…. And here I was, being so horrible to you." A tear found it's way to his eye once again and slid freely down the corner of his face to drip softly onto the ground that was quickly being covered by snow.

Loki stared in surprise at him. The sudden fear of losing him again gripped his heart. He could lose him again. Not now. He wouldn't. Not ever. Not ever again.

" Chaos… I don't care. That was the past."

" But, you deserve someone better. Someone who will treat you right and –"

Loki's eyes went wide. " No! I want no one else but you! You're all I could ever desire! The whole time we were apart… all I could think about… was you."

Chaos stared at him intently. His heart soared at those words. He had felt the same. His arms pulled Loki to him again, holding him close.

" I feel the same way, Loki. All this time, I felt so empty without you. So alone. I realized that I needed you more then I ever truly realized. And it took all that happened for me to see that."

Loki snuggled closer to him, wanting to feel more of that heat that he missed so much.

" I… never want to be apart from you like that again. Never. I… I love you."

Chaos tightened the embrace, resting his chin against Loki's forehead.

" No. Never again. I love you so much. After all I did you still came back to me. And for that, I could never ask for more. And I couldn't be happier."

" Me too."

After a thoughtful silence, Chaos asked, " May I have the ring?"

Loki nodded and allowed the golden band to slide gently from his hand to his beloved's. Chaos inspected it and found that it was indeed one of the finest pieces of craftsmanship he had ever seen. He gently slipped it on and found that it fit perfectly and it seemed to sing as it slid down the length of his finger.

" A symbol of love."

Chaos nodded. " And I love it. Almost as much as I love the one who had it commissioned for me."

Loki blushed again. Chaos had changed him. From the day they first meet, Chaos slowly changed him from the cold and emotionless person that he had grown up to be into someone who understood the meaning of being loved and what it was like to love in return.

" I'm… glad."

" So am I. However… I think we are a ring short. I'll have to fix that."

Then Chaos sought his lover's lips and devoured them gently as they stood out there in the snow, all fears and uncertainties put to rest. They were together again and nothing could ever separate them. That was how both Chaos and Loki understood the true meaning of love and that it can overcome all obstacles.

_**I'm lost without you  
I keep trying to find my way **_

_**But all I know is I'm lost without you  
I keep trying to face the day **_

_**But I'm lost without you….**_


End file.
